Italy, Italy

The other day I was at work sitting at my desk having a rare moment where it was quiet, and I had a few moments to let my mind wander to daydream. I was thinking how awesome it would be to play the lottery just once and hit the million dollar jackpot so I can go on a vacation. If I got lucky and won I probably would think the hell with the bills I owe I just want to be out of this city, this state and travel to my hearts content somewhere beautiful. Then Italy came to my mind. I always wanted to travel to Italy for at least 7 days or more just to see as much as I could and savor every moment of it. When I was younger if I ever got to visit Europe of course Paris, France was my first choice, but that got bumped down to number 2 because of Italy. If I’m paying for my trip I would probably rather go to Italy first before Paris or any Caribbean island.

I remember watching for the first time the movie Under the Tuscan Sun starring Diane Lane and watching it a few more times since had me mesmerized. The scenery in the movie was beautiful so imagine actually being there how breathtaking it would be. I was thinking someday I got to find a way to go Italy whether it be in Rome or Tuscany. My obvious reasons are for the beautiful scenery, architecture, the food, the wine, the culture and cannot exclude the Italian men. I don’t speak or understand Italian but that still wouldn’t hinder me from traveling there. Now, I’m not afraid to travel on a plane in United States even though sometimes while flying turbulence gets me a little nervous, but not scared. However, I am afraid of traveling overseas to another country outside of the U.S. My fear for that is being on a plane for hours feeling claustrophobic and flying over water. I used to always say that I am not flying overseas anywhere and travel to another country. I really believe I would do it to travel to Europe though.

Don’t know when my dream for Italy will become a reality. For now, the movie Under the Tuscan Sun would just have to do whenever I want to take a getaway to Italy in the comfort of my home. Who knows one day I might just take that chance to play the lottery get lucky and hit the jackpot; perhaps my writing will take off and my new career will give me an all expense paid trip there or I’ll be able to afford to pay and go myself.

I’ll meditate on all of that for now.

Random thoughts for the day

I decided that I really needed to get out of the apartment today or risk losing some sanity, but not necessarily in a crazy way per se just more like feeling claustrophobic. After finally getting most of my thoughts together I rushed out around 12ish. Went by the bank, grabbed a bite to eat and headed to the library. That was my fun thing to do today, seriously. I can be such a library geek sometimes and go crazy with checking out books. This time though I headed to the genealogy section to do some family history research. This is my other hobby that I do here and there. The last time I did any research was months ago, but with a family reunion in the works for this upcoming year it got me a little more motivated to research records. Got some progress done as well as jotting down a couple of names on my maternal side of the family. If anyone ever do any genealogy research sometimes getting anything rather than nothing is a little exciting.

Enjoying my free vacation from work this week because of the holidays, so my job at the university is closed and will resume regular business on Monday, Jan. 4. Having a lot of free time this week to do whatever – which is how I ended up being lazy on yesterday and slept practically all day. Only went out once that evening to grab some Taco Bell. Isn’t it crazy to actually crave Taco Bell, but I guess if you haven’t eaten it in months you want it badly LOL.

Plan to head out to New A’wlins (New Orleans) on tomorrow to meet up with my cousin to do more family research. This is good!! Also, hope to get some inspiration for writing as well. Still trying to work on my short story, but I have faith that eventually it will all come together soon. Oh, but I will have some fun because you just have to when you are in New A’wlins.

Currently reading, Nora Roberts (J.D. Robb) Born in Death. So far I’m still interested probably after realizing that I actually like reading police/crime suspense novels. I plan to finish this book at least by Friday.

That’s the randoms so now back to tweeting.

Ramblings……

I hate it when I am sick whether that includes allergies, sinus congestion or even if it is that time of the month. I also hate it when I’m moody which involves being stressed, worrying and anxious entirely too much, in my depressive moods where I don’t want to pry myself out of the bed or end up moving from the bed to the bathroom then to the couch where I collapse into another sleep for probably 4 or 5 hours with PBS watching me. In a sense this all sounds pretty bad but somehow I also believe that I am not the only one who feels like all hell has frozen over whenever these evil days roll around.

Saying all of this to say that at one point when I was younger I wanted to just do nothing on a Saturday or Sunday just do nothing because I could, having no responsibilities to tend to just me and the TV to keep me occupied. However, now it’s different naturally since I have responsibilities that need tending to, myself included by making sure that things are kept at bay as much as possible. When I have those funky days whether it lingers with me into the work week in the evenings or on the weekend it makes my less than sociable life chaotic. This weekend was no exception with a sinus attack on Friday evening that I ended up sleeping most of the night and then my mouth started giving me pain, so all of this lasted the whole weekend. Did manage to go to work today, but this evening I took an hour nap to get up and try to do some catching up.

Isn’t it something when you are out of commission for awhile that everything else in your life and I mean just the daily things get pushed back. Finally, noticed how important it is to take good care of myself because I want stay on this earth as long as I can, but also so I can keep myself together in one piece. I want my home in one piece, for my pet, even at my job and despite my reasons of not liking it, but I still have to keep myself there in one piece to be able to go to it and earn a paycheck everyday.

Having just the daily things/routines run smoothly like it should caused me to be more at peace. It encourages me to do more, work on a project, think more and to eat better. All of that comes from my different moods as to how I react to do things in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just weird, or if that is the Scorpio in me causing me to act moody that way. Then of course you can’t help wondering sometimes if I am the only different introvert in the universe. Okay, I’m sounding dorky now but it’s an out of the box hmmm moment.

Therapy, part 1

I sit in silence with music in the background
Thinking, and thinking but somehow
Wondering where my life is going
Wanting to be my own fortune teller to look into a crystal ball to see into my future
What does it hold for me?
Some days I think I have all of the answers, and other days feels like I come up dry and empty
This I know that I am my own destiny, my own success
Saying no to the naysayers and shaking off haters
Surrounding myself around positivity
Whatever the case may be I must do for me
I know that I am not content with my life
So, I must go, must do something fulfilling
This coming year I have a new vision, more wisdom and understanding
Only prayers to the good Lord above and persistence will take me there

I truly believe deep down inside for my heart and mind is yearning for more
Knowledge
Throwing out the rules is a good thing I’m learning it’s not meant for you to remain
in the same place for too long
It is not good for your mind, body and soul
Opening yourself to your true desires is where the dreams become alive
You are never too old to go beyond the ordinary, to get past the routines of your life
You can be your own worst critic and yet holding yourself back at the same time
from achieving that meaningful thing
I can attest to all of this
The negativity, becoming my own worst enemy, holding myself down for too long
Oh, how I see the rainbow shining over the hill
For if I keep reaching and climbing I can grab it with my bare hands
Clench it tight and never letting it go until I die
The people around me will see me beaming like the radiant sun
No more cloudy days the storms are over.

Copyright: V. Saizon

Focus & other stuff in between

I have a newfound of inspiration
Just when you think that things won’t turn around in a positive way, they do
When they do it is up to us to make the most of it
We can learn to forgive ourselves from past mistakes
Opening ourselves up to heal the wounds that held us down
That is what life is all about
There is no clear definition to describe it
Each person live it accordingly
You live and move forward

That is where the journey begins. Don’t treat yourself the way you don’t want others to treat you. If you treat yourself positively then your interactions with others will reflect that. The same goes if you are always hard on yourself and constantly negative well that is reflected too. I know because I am going through it, learning it later in my life but rather later than never.

I can see things more clearly now than before, but I’m grateful to say yes I am getting it.

 On Saturday, I had a long conversation with a good friend of mine about a lot of things that I have been going through. She wasn’t aware that mid part of the year I was stressing myself out and feeling depressed a lot, my financial situations, and the ongoing problems that continued at my job. Then she shared some things with me that she was going through and basically we both were just trying to make sense of some of it, but one thing we knew was that our situations were temporary. We knew that the things that we were going through at the moment would get better.

 This week, soon and very soon I want to write down my immediate goals and for once focus on them, I am talking about the kind of focus that you can’t get out of your head. I want to fall asleep with that clear focus on my mind. I want to wake up and go through my day at work or wherever I am keeping with that same focus. Once I have it and hold on to it there is nobody that can take that focus away from me. If I lose it, I wouldn’t have no one to blame for it but myself, and I really and truly don’t want to go down that dark road again. It’s lonely down that road, frightening, lonely and then losing whatever hope I thought I had. To do the things that I want to do by maintaining my focus is the only thing that will get me there to achieve it.

I’m probably sounding repetitive from my previous posts, but at times I can’t help but to reflect on some of these same things as a mental reminder for myself. Reminders that make you think more about things is always a good thing.

Thankfulness

I still can’t believe that it is already November or better yet one more month and bye-bye to 2009. Here comes 2010, and to say 2010 right now it feels weird. Not sure, maybe it’s because I’m feeling older or something of that nature. For now, I don’t feel rushed by anything in my life but knowing the type of person I am that could change. If you don’t see a post anytime soon from me panicking about some crisis/issue happening that needs to get fixed ASAP before December 30 then that’s a good thing. I’m okay!!

Anyway, I love November, not just because I have a birthday this month or proud to be a Scorpio but I just feel more thankful. It’s football season, the holidays are coming up, the weather changes to cool, and the autumn rain just feels comforting to me. It is some kind of rejuvenation and time for reflection, making new goals for the upcoming year, revising the goals from this year and motivation. Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful for the little things everyday but November just feels more special. Has to be all the good food I can’t wait to eat and being off from work.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” -Oprah Winfrey

National Novel Writing Month

National Novel Writing Month began on Nov. 1st and ends on Nov. 30th. If you are planning to get a novel written in a month then this website is for you. One can register for free with a username and password and join a local region group from your area. Just from browsing, there is a region for almost any country and city in United States. Another cool feature when you register is each day you can track your words or even download a widget to add on your website, blog, etc. for tracking your words.

I just stumbled across this website recently while browsing Oprah’s website and thought to check it out. By all means will I have a novel written in a month, but I could definitely use it to track my words written. Maybe even a motivating factor for me to write more. Now, that would be excellent!!

Check out the website: http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Over the weekend I did not accomplish anything as far as my writing was concerned. Didn’t do any brainstorming, wrote any poems, just nothing and so now I’m thinking that I hope my writing high didn’t leave me. If it vanished hopefully it will come back today!! Actually, while driving in my car being out and about on Saturday I did come up with something for a poem, but sort of nixed it. It was about having no commitments to anybody. So, after getting home I started thinking a little bit more about that, I’m like what am I talking about no commitments when I’m not attached with anybody and it kinda sucks right now. Um, so I can’t put a poem together about something that I don’t really mean or even feeling it. That one is on the back burner for now. Anyway, that’s all I did as far as brainstorming anything.

I guess my mind just took some kind of mental break. I know on Saturday I started feeling agitated again about my job and even more on Sunday morning. It had me thinking more mostly on finding some kind of solution and just meditating. Besides of taking care of things for and around my apartment I just took it easy. Plan to get back in the saddle again possibly today with getting my mind back to focusing on my creativity.

Quote of the day

“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” ―Linus Van Pelt in “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”

Happy Halloween!!

Dark side of the industry

I was reading this celebrity gossip blog this evening and a post that really caught my attention was from a slightly well known R&B artist giving his thoughts to another gossip blog about the “darker side” of the music industry. I also read most of the 161 comments from readers commenting on this post. A lot of the comments were about this R&B artist position in the music industry and why he felt compelled to speak on the music biz especially since he’s not all that famous with dropping hit records, and why is he giving his two cents on this dark and edgy song by a high profile music artist who is real hot in the industry right now. She’s coming out with a new album pretty soon, and if you are into celebrity gossip most likely you’ll see this chick’s picture on just about every gossip blogs or in the celeb gossip magazines. Anyway, he goes on stating things about how dark the music industry is and how the industry pressures new artists to become submissive on doing certain things that may or may not go against their will, religion in order to gain popularity and sell records. Then this dude starts talking about Michael Jackson and his Jehovah Witness religion in conjunction with the Thriller album going big, yes he was really going on a tangent about the music industry and this artist (not MJ).I guess that is his way of saying why the music industry has a darker side but most of us already know the music biz is demanding over their artists for gaining control and profits. So, in a sense what he’s speaking of is nothing really new. Also, for the record this is just my observation of what I understood from this post and this artist’s opinion.

However, the comments were interesting to say the least from readers pointing out religion, Christian and God pertaining to why these kind of artist do those type of deep and edgy songs. Like is the music industry forcing these artists to abandon their beliefs or religion to make that kind of music to sell records. The song that they were referring to I never listened to it, and not sure if it’s playing on the radio airwaves yet so I can’t comment on what it sounds like. I do know that I don’t label a music artist or even movie actors on what religion or beliefs they have. Even from reading interviews and listening on t.v. very seldom do these high profile people say what their beliefs are. If one of them do say I believe in God or some other higher being I wouldn’t really buy into it. Sometimes, it could be publicity or maybe they maintain their beliefs, but just focus more on their career since it is a job.

For instance, when Kanye West came out with his first album College Dropout I remember reading several of his interviews in magazines discussing about his belief in God and how if it wasn’t for God he wouldn’t be alive now (speaking about his fatal car accident), and going to church when he was a young boy. Then, his second album Late Registeration came out ‘Ye did his round of publicity of doing magazine interviews he gave similar answers as before regarding his beliefs and briefly mentioning God. Now, his last two albums  Graduation and 808 & Heartbreak and with the creative direction he went with both albums one would think that Kanye probably abandoned his religious beliefs; plus not to mention his antics and bizarre behavior the past year being reported in the media and all over the internet.

It bothers and aggravates me sometimes when I do read those comments from the gossip blogs, which is very seldom.  How they perpetuate on reading the gossips about these celebrities personal lives and passing judgments as being a homewrecker or making an evil song, or they don’t believe in God, etc. etc. is just too many preconceived notions. For me when I am listening to music rather it be hip hop, R&B or pop music whatever it is I’m not concerning myself with thinking Jay-Z doesn’t believe in God, I just want to listen and enjoy the song that’s it. The same goes if I’m listening to a gospel song there really is no difference.

I didn’t even bother posting my comments on the blog where I read the post regarding the industry. I guess I ended up having more to say about it here.

Source:  http://theybf.com