So Today is Valentine’s Day

I am so glad I have finally gotten comfortable with being single in my 30s where Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean a damn thing to me, anymore. I will not lie and say that I not only regretted February 14 every year as a teenager but it felt even more difficult in my 20s. The sight of seeing red, white, red and brown teddy bears, red roses and those Kay Jeweler commercials used to make me cringe either with some envy or a day I did not have a date to take me to dinner. Those were some of the highs and lows with this so called “Cupid” day of love, but I don’t know it is–now it is different. Perhaps, I have more things to deal with now than in the past, and finding a new love or being in love is just not a priority on my to-do list.

I guess my feelings regarding this is the same for other marketing holidays (with the exception of birthdays) which is whether you are single, married or in a relationship that your love for that person should be shown every day of the year. Give gifts whenever you feel like it and not just on Valentine’s Day. After Valentine’s Day what else are you going to do, but probably wait for another big holiday that requires you to spend more money to make up for all of the other normal days to show that person you love them. This is one of the wise things I have learned in my adult life — within the past 3 years. When I turned 30.

Also, this is not to say that I am anti-Valentine’s Day, and that I am not going to be judgmental towards other people who choose to celebrate it because it is a lovely holiday. If I ever have a significant other that believes it is a special occasion to send me flowers or take me out to dinner than I would be very appreciative for it. Of course, I am a woman and would not tell him “no” either. That would be crazy!

So, cheers for all of the lovebirds out there who salutes V-Day. To all of you single ladies, don’t let this day, the Kay Jeweler commercials, chocolate or Ben & Jerry’s get the best of you.

Life is a journey…

I can see myself opening up to new things next year. It will have nothing to do with past circumstances but new beginnings. My new mantra that I have been claiming the past few months will take over my mind and soul for I am not going to let anything or anybody hold me down. You have to feel that way, and as I see it their is nothing is wrong with being selfish if they are for the right reasons. If changing things in your life is what you need to do then by all means do it. An individual should not let others get in the way of that. If you allow that then who are you allowing to control your life, yourself or other people. As the saying goes, “Do not let your circumstances define who you really are.” I try my best everyday to live by that because it is so true.

I finally took the leap despite taking out student loans to return to college and get my bachelor’s degree. With much serious thought of what my major would be after attending college off and on over the years decisions on what I want to do was one thing and then changed to something else. You know how that is but actually getting to the point where you know in your heart and mind that yes I finally believe that this is my calling and not what it used to be. So, with saying all of that I decided to get my bachelor degree in English, well Bachelor of Arts degree that is. With this English degree the career plans is to obtain a job in publishing or public relations. This will also give me a chance to work on freelance writing in hopes to do that full-time, so I can open up my own publishing company doing edits, newsletters, articles, press releases, self-publishing books and blogging. I’m finishing my college education online so all of my classes are taking on the internet with a university out of my home state. I am looking to complete all of this by September 2013, seems far away, but I know that date will be here soon. Wow, just thinking about all of this builds up more anticipation for what is to come.

So many things I am feeling positive about that through persistence it will all fall into place and I can be more at peace. The fall weather is here and I love it…also looking forward to celebrating another birthday this month. November is one of my favorite months of the year. Oh, by the way I love keeping it real for all Scorpios!!

Italy, Italy

The other day I was at work sitting at my desk having a rare moment where it was quiet, and I had a few moments to let my mind wander to daydream. I was thinking how awesome it would be to play the lottery just once and hit the million dollar jackpot so I can go on a vacation. If I got lucky and won I probably would think the hell with the bills I owe I just want to be out of this city, this state and travel to my hearts content somewhere beautiful. Then Italy came to my mind. I always wanted to travel to Italy for at least 7 days or more just to see as much as I could and savor every moment of it. When I was younger if I ever got to visit Europe of course Paris, France was my first choice, but that got bumped down to number 2 because of Italy. If I’m paying for my trip I would probably rather go to Italy first before Paris or any Caribbean island.

I remember watching for the first time the movie Under the Tuscan Sun starring Diane Lane and watching it a few more times since had me mesmerized. The scenery in the movie was beautiful so imagine actually being there how breathtaking it would be. I was thinking someday I got to find a way to go Italy whether it be in Rome or Tuscany. My obvious reasons are for the beautiful scenery, architecture, the food, the wine, the culture and cannot exclude the Italian men. I don’t speak or understand Italian but that still wouldn’t hinder me from traveling there. Now, I’m not afraid to travel on a plane in United States even though sometimes while flying turbulence gets me a little nervous, but not scared. However, I am afraid of traveling overseas to another country outside of the U.S. My fear for that is being on a plane for hours feeling claustrophobic and flying over water. I used to always say that I am not flying overseas anywhere and travel to another country. I really believe I would do it to travel to Europe though.

Don’t know when my dream for Italy will become a reality. For now, the movie Under the Tuscan Sun would just have to do whenever I want to take a getaway to Italy in the comfort of my home. Who knows one day I might just take that chance to play the lottery get lucky and hit the jackpot; perhaps my writing will take off and my new career will give me an all expense paid trip there or I’ll be able to afford to pay and go myself.

I’ll meditate on all of that for now.

Random thoughts for the day

I decided that I really needed to get out of the apartment today or risk losing some sanity, but not necessarily in a crazy way per se just more like feeling claustrophobic. After finally getting most of my thoughts together I rushed out around 12ish. Went by the bank, grabbed a bite to eat and headed to the library. That was my fun thing to do today, seriously. I can be such a library geek sometimes and go crazy with checking out books. This time though I headed to the genealogy section to do some family history research. This is my other hobby that I do here and there. The last time I did any research was months ago, but with a family reunion in the works for this upcoming year it got me a little more motivated to research records. Got some progress done as well as jotting down a couple of names on my maternal side of the family. If anyone ever do any genealogy research sometimes getting anything rather than nothing is a little exciting.

Enjoying my free vacation from work this week because of the holidays, so my job at the university is closed and will resume regular business on Monday, Jan. 4. Having a lot of free time this week to do whatever – which is how I ended up being lazy on yesterday and slept practically all day. Only went out once that evening to grab some Taco Bell. Isn’t it crazy to actually crave Taco Bell, but I guess if you haven’t eaten it in months you want it badly LOL.

Plan to head out to New A’wlins (New Orleans) on tomorrow to meet up with my cousin to do more family research. This is good!! Also, hope to get some inspiration for writing as well. Still trying to work on my short story, but I have faith that eventually it will all come together soon. Oh, but I will have some fun because you just have to when you are in New A’wlins.

Currently reading, Nora Roberts (J.D. Robb) Born in Death. So far I’m still interested probably after realizing that I actually like reading police/crime suspense novels. I plan to finish this book at least by Friday.

That’s the randoms so now back to tweeting.

Ramblings……

I hate it when I am sick whether that includes allergies, sinus congestion or even if it is that time of the month. I also hate it when I’m moody which involves being stressed, worrying and anxious entirely too much, in my depressive moods where I don’t want to pry myself out of the bed or end up moving from the bed to the bathroom then to the couch where I collapse into another sleep for probably 4 or 5 hours with PBS watching me. In a sense this all sounds pretty bad but somehow I also believe that I am not the only one who feels like all hell has frozen over whenever these evil days roll around.

Saying all of this to say that at one point when I was younger I wanted to just do nothing on a Saturday or Sunday just do nothing because I could, having no responsibilities to tend to just me and the TV to keep me occupied. However, now it’s different naturally since I have responsibilities that need tending to, myself included by making sure that things are kept at bay as much as possible. When I have those funky days whether it lingers with me into the work week in the evenings or on the weekend it makes my less than sociable life chaotic. This weekend was no exception with a sinus attack on Friday evening that I ended up sleeping most of the night and then my mouth started giving me pain, so all of this lasted the whole weekend. Did manage to go to work today, but this evening I took an hour nap to get up and try to do some catching up.

Isn’t it something when you are out of commission for awhile that everything else in your life and I mean just the daily things get pushed back. Finally, noticed how important it is to take good care of myself because I want stay on this earth as long as I can, but also so I can keep myself together in one piece. I want my home in one piece, for my pet, even at my job and despite my reasons of not liking it, but I still have to keep myself there in one piece to be able to go to it and earn a paycheck everyday.

Having just the daily things/routines run smoothly like it should caused me to be more at peace. It encourages me to do more, work on a project, think more and to eat better. All of that comes from my different moods as to how I react to do things in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just weird, or if that is the Scorpio in me causing me to act moody that way. Then of course you can’t help wondering sometimes if I am the only different introvert in the universe. Okay, I’m sounding dorky now but it’s an out of the box hmmm moment.

Focus & other stuff in between

I have a newfound of inspiration
Just when you think that things won’t turn around in a positive way, they do
When they do it is up to us to make the most of it
We can learn to forgive ourselves from past mistakes
Opening ourselves up to heal the wounds that held us down
That is what life is all about
There is no clear definition to describe it
Each person live it accordingly
You live and move forward

That is where the journey begins. Don’t treat yourself the way you don’t want others to treat you. If you treat yourself positively then your interactions with others will reflect that. The same goes if you are always hard on yourself and constantly negative well that is reflected too. I know because I am going through it, learning it later in my life but rather later than never.

I can see things more clearly now than before, but I’m grateful to say yes I am getting it.

 On Saturday, I had a long conversation with a good friend of mine about a lot of things that I have been going through. She wasn’t aware that mid part of the year I was stressing myself out and feeling depressed a lot, my financial situations, and the ongoing problems that continued at my job. Then she shared some things with me that she was going through and basically we both were just trying to make sense of some of it, but one thing we knew was that our situations were temporary. We knew that the things that we were going through at the moment would get better.

 This week, soon and very soon I want to write down my immediate goals and for once focus on them, I am talking about the kind of focus that you can’t get out of your head. I want to fall asleep with that clear focus on my mind. I want to wake up and go through my day at work or wherever I am keeping with that same focus. Once I have it and hold on to it there is nobody that can take that focus away from me. If I lose it, I wouldn’t have no one to blame for it but myself, and I really and truly don’t want to go down that dark road again. It’s lonely down that road, frightening, lonely and then losing whatever hope I thought I had. To do the things that I want to do by maintaining my focus is the only thing that will get me there to achieve it.

I’m probably sounding repetitive from my previous posts, but at times I can’t help but to reflect on some of these same things as a mental reminder for myself. Reminders that make you think more about things is always a good thing.

Over the weekend I did not accomplish anything as far as my writing was concerned. Didn’t do any brainstorming, wrote any poems, just nothing and so now I’m thinking that I hope my writing high didn’t leave me. If it vanished hopefully it will come back today!! Actually, while driving in my car being out and about on Saturday I did come up with something for a poem, but sort of nixed it. It was about having no commitments to anybody. So, after getting home I started thinking a little bit more about that, I’m like what am I talking about no commitments when I’m not attached with anybody and it kinda sucks right now. Um, so I can’t put a poem together about something that I don’t really mean or even feeling it. That one is on the back burner for now. Anyway, that’s all I did as far as brainstorming anything.

I guess my mind just took some kind of mental break. I know on Saturday I started feeling agitated again about my job and even more on Sunday morning. It had me thinking more mostly on finding some kind of solution and just meditating. Besides of taking care of things for and around my apartment I just took it easy. Plan to get back in the saddle again possibly today with getting my mind back to focusing on my creativity.

Fabulous day

Grateful that today was another good day for me at work. Very seldom I get those kind of days at this job but when they do come I don’t take them for granted at all. Through the trials and tribulations that I encountered there that when I have a wonderful day like today I have to be appreciative for them. I was even able to sneak in some writing of some thoughts that came to me that I just had to type and save. I’m learning that no matter what I’m thinking may seem silly at the time or even not all the way complete to jot them down anyway. Who knows what it could lead to later on because those same silly thoughts may be exactly what I need for a story. See, I’m paying attention and catching on.

Tomorrow evening after work I am planning to attend the local metro council meeting. I never really paid any attention to the council members or even cared to vote for my city district councilman. Never bothered to learn who is representing my district in these meetings. During election time to vote for a new councilman I just randomly choose anybody on the ballot. Goes to show how interested I was until now. A few weeks ago I contacted via e-mail the Human Resources department at the local newspaper where I live inquiring about stringers and contributing writers. Within a couple of days I received an email from the assistant metro editor regarding the e-mail I sent to HR. Unfortunately, at this time I don’t have any writing samples to send, so I got this idea over the weekend to sit in on some council meetings and school board meetings to learn what exactly goes on, take notes and write my articles. Don’t have an AP (Associated Press) book or a journalism degree but it’s a start. Speaking of the Associated Press book, I need a class to learn and understand on how to use it. One day I was at the bookstore and came across it again to really find out the cost of it, but just by flipping through it I was like what the..It’s not like any of those college English handbooks you have to buy. AP book is totally different but if you’re a journalism student it’s a must have to use.

The metro meeting on tomorrow starts at 4:00 pm and I don’t get off from work until 4 p.m. I’m thinking that these meetings are open to the public, and I should be able to attend even if I’m slightly late. Will update on how it goes.

Rambling….

I’m tired but this time just exhausted from loss of sleep. Had a infection in my mouth from a toothache last week and over the weekend, but thanks to prescribed medication I’m starting to feel much better.

I am still on my quest to get my writing career off the ground. This is one of the most creative things that I want to do. Knowing how I am where I try something, it doesn’t work out and I go back to the same thing as I was doing before. However, I think writing for me is different. It is really becoming more therapeutic for me. Writing would really give me the opportunity to not only express myself on paper, but to break out of my introvert personality to share what I think to other people. I think that’s better than always having to speak my mind verbally to folks. Also, writing I think allows me to be free to let whatever thoughts in my mind flow like poetry. Haven’t written no more than 5 poetry pieces thus far and a few others are more like journal entries. Could be something that I could use in some writings. That sums up what’s been going on at the moment. During my writing journey hope to update the blog more often.

More to come…..

Such things as this

My own personal projects in process and I must say that I am excited about it. One of the projects, I finally got in touch with a relative of mines in my hometown to talk with her about the family genealogy research. The information that I had was nothing compared to all that she did. Just about everything was laid out on paper and all she has to do is transfer it to a family pedigree chart. So here is where I come in to help her fill in with providing information with my father’s siblings, children and the grandchildren. So glad that I finally went to visit her. Can’t wait for the finished project to finally have chronological records of the family.

Project #2 is getting back into the swings again with my creative writing. A ficition novel is in the works, but at this point it can be called anything even freelancing. Over the weekend jotted down a few articles but didn’t finish them. It’s one of those things where I start but can’t finish. I’m really trying to avoid using the cliche “writing block”. Actually read on a writer’s forum not to long ago on how this person commented by saying, “I don’t know why people like to use writer’s block as an excuse for not being able to do some writing.” This person went on to say that there are various places, exercises and so forth that a writer can use to help get ideas and concepts. Writer’s block shouldn’t be an excuse. Must say that I agree with the poster.

Project #3 is my side business. This side business has taken a backseat and only comes out every so often when I feel like I can ask around for sales. You really have to work this cosmetic business if you want to move to the top, it’s no Avon. Taking time out to organize, communicate constantly with current and potential customers, your director, and definitely cannot forget bookings, bookings and more booking skin care classes, oh also recruiting new team members (commissions). You can choose how you want to move up, but going about doing it that works for you (especially if you don’t like nagging people that you don’t know) is my issue. So, basically right now MK is a hobby for me earning me side cash here and there. I don’t neglect the business because I care about it, want to nourish it so it an blossom into something that I want to do long-term. Still my project that I’m constantly working on.

Such things as this, with so much going on sometimes good, other times not so good yet carving out times to do the things that we love is what matters the most. One appreciates life more instead of criticizing the most precious thing that was given to us.